To say I am a “feeler” is like calling the ocean, “blue.” Talk about an understatement. I have yet to meet anyone who has scored higher in the “Feeler” category on the Myers-Briggs than me. To say I am “empathetic” is also not quite it. I often feel the pain in another’s story in an even more acute way than they experience it themselves.
It’s an awkward gift at times. It’s embarrassing.
Just recently, a friend shared with me that she was separating from her husband. We were in the middle of our crowded church lobby, just about to leave. In that moment, grief gripped my heart. She hadn’t even told me the specifics of the situation, but all the possible grief from any number of contributing factors flooded me. My mind was filled with images of her and husband in angry conversations, of her children worrying about their future, of her sitting alone at school events. I turned to her and gasped as a heaving sob filled my lungs. She was caught off guard and started to cry herself.
This gift is wonderful. I wouldn’t change it. I believe God hard-wired me to feel with intensity for a good purpose.
It might surprise you to learn how God had pursued me in light of how He’s wired me. I would have expected Him to use these deep emotional resources, but He rarely does. I hardly ever feel emotionally overwhelmed by Him.
He has chosen over these many of years of walking with Him to primarily minister to me through my mind. It is the way He reaches the innermost part of me.
Psalm 51:6 “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”
Feelings are powerful waves that cover my innermost being – and perhaps because He knows how chaotic, confusing and strong my emotions can be, He has chosen another way.
God has addressed my deepest hurts and wounds by molding my perspective and opinions through His wonderful Word at a slow and steady pace. It’s been in the calm, quiet, and orderly moments of study that God has worked miracles of healing and changed chaotic waves of hurt into still and glassy seas.
It’s happened without tears or angst. He’s worked like a locksmith, methodically taking out His tools and masterfully moving the pins into alignment – no hurry, no breaking down the doors – but areas have become unlocked and free under His care.
I share this because I need to remind myself, as I walk into another semester of ministering to women, that He works uniquely in our lives. And while I love it when He works dramatically and quickly and the tears roll, my own story reminds me sometimes He doesn’t do that. He has so many creative ways of reaching us.
But one He always, always uses His Word.
Isaiah 55:11 “so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”
I am very grateful for the opportunity to bring God’s Word to the campus where it always yields fruit, sometimes the kind that springs up rapidly and sometimes the kind that takes longer to see aboveground. However He moves, I love how God uses how He has wired me as a feeler to come alongside women in their journeys.