When we moved to Champaign, I signed her up for a very expensive choral program. I joyfully attended all the rehearsals and cried through the entire performance. And then later, I really cried when she told me she never wanted to do that again – ever.
My girl does love to sing, but she doesn’t love choir. She’s a theater girl. She’s a “put me in the spotlight” kind of kid. Turns out, she’s not me.
I won’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed.
I feel like each of my kids are collages of sticky notes. Each yellow slip of paper has descriptive words that I’ve given them over the years. As they get older, I see many that I’ve gotten totally wrong or at least need to update!
Choral singer replaced with Theater Nut is not too bad, maybe even a little fun. But sometimes, my words have become very precious to me me and I don’t want to replace them.
The process of peeling away the words that don’t really fit and replacing them with ones that are more honest isn’t always easy.
I lean hard toward perfectionism so even though my collage is filled with many, many, many wonderful and positive words – I linger and fret over the few that aren’t exactly how I’d pictured them.
And since I’m being honest, I’ve found it hard to wade into the truth of where my kids are spiritually. Like any other Christian parent, I want to raise my kids to be strong in their faith. As a missionary, I feel the world’s eyes on our family even more. Part of me doesn’t want to know where they truly are spiritually so I can keep the words I’m clinging to. Words like – committed, unwavering, evangelist, missionary. I’m afraid of words like doubting, apathetic, confused.
God has been graciously challenging me to be truthful with my sticky notes.